29 Jun 11 Creative and Jobless
…and I’m going to start this half way through a sentence, because that’s the way it happened. I was half way through a day, halfway through my lunch and half way through an email marketing campaign that was going quite well. Then I found myself halfway out of the door as, half way through the same sentence I was just talking about, we were all told the company was closing, there wasn’t enough money to pay us. Could we all go home and fill out some forms.
So I started looking for another job. I don’t really mind which job. I am a sort of a General Practitioner of marketing and design. I can identify the issues, come up with the right plan, do most of what is needed until you get to hand coding web fronted software (the web equivalent of a triple heart bypass) and then, like a GP, I know which consultant to call. I am experienced and qualified in, web design, graphics and marketing and creatively disposed to the application of these skills.
“…you are creative aren’t you?” which means “I’m ignoring everything you say. I also think ‘creative’ means ‘stupid’, so I can patronise you and you won’t realise it. Now go away and colour something in…”
I do well in most places that I work. I win awards and people give me that special respect that creative people get, you know the damned by feint praise respect where they say “…you are creative aren’t you?” which means “I’m ignoring everything you say. I also think ‘creative’ means ‘stupid’ so I can patronise you and you won’t realise it. Now go away and colour something in”.
Clearly there is an acceptance, at some level, that creativity is attached to personality. It is not a process per ce and therefore is not a machine that gets switched on only when necessary or super-powered by anything other than coffee. But when you search for jobs you find ads saying things like “Are you a Creative Genius?” they go on to say “…Must be able to manage budgets, pray to deadlines, run Prince 2 Project Management software, commit to best-practice business processes …and while creative, must have no trace of independent thought. This role involves agreeing with everyone else.” I had an MD once who used to say to me “We’ve got the sausage – you give it the sizzle”. I used to think “Sausage – it’s supposed to be software! Anyway it’s not a sausage, it’s not made it past the pig stage of the process and I can daub lip-stick all over this pig, but it’s still going to be a pig – it needs redesigning, not repainting”.
It makes you wonder why anyone wants a creative genius. The phrase ‘If you keep doing what you do, you’ll keep getting what you get’ springs to mind as the subtext of these ads is ‘we’re going to keep doing what we do, and so are you. But you’re responsible for making sure that we start to get drastically different results. Don’t argue just go and colour something in – and make sure you do it in a corporately compliant way’.
…it’s difficult to maintain a respectable level of mendacity because, having asked for a creative genius, they have sat you in front of a creative retard
But you need a job and so you go to the interview prepared to say ‘well you’re the boss’ to the inteviewer when you mean ‘you’re a fucking imbecile’. But it’s difficult to maintain a respectable level of mendacity because, having asked for a creative genius, they have sat you in front of a creative retard. Through some quirk of natural injustice, this is the prick who will mark you out of ten for your creative genius-ness. It’s like the pot calling the kettle-drum ‘fish’; there is no way you can communicate with this person in a meaningful way. So you just say what they want to hear: Q. Can you sprout wings and fly? A. Easy peasy.
Then, should you get the gig, you’ll spend 51 weeks each year kowtowing to a self-important wanker. But if you are lucky, for one week of the year, when they are away or busy or otherwise distracted, you will get to be spontaneous, creative, unfettered by corporo-bollox and make an important difference. They will then say things like, “Ahh if only you’d do this all the time” or “That was my idea”.
So as a truthful answer to the question Are you a creative Genius?…
Creative? ? ???? /// ??? (aren’t question marks interesting to look at) – As a kid, I was naturally drawn to playing musical instruments, drawing and writing – although I was lazy so a lot of the writing wasn’t written down. I was into the fusion of these things with the day-to-day mediocrity of life – As a teenager I would compose Dylanesque balads about e.g. going for a shit and then perform these for my rather straight-laced grandparents.
…digging and planting a petunia flower-bed in the centre circle of the school’s football (soccer) pitch for a photo idea I had – that one didn’t go down well…
I liked off-beat comedy such as Spike Milligan. No one else I knew could stand him. Like Milligan, I tended to be naturally lateral in my approach to life. And for most of my childhood, it was a pain in the neck for those around me. Digging and planting a petunia flower-bed in the centre circle of the school’s football (soccer) pitch for a photo idea I had – that one didn’t go down well (Sorry mum and dad, I didn’t tell you about that and in fairness, I never got found out – but I can tell you it didn’t go down well).
I spent two weeks painting the church spire to look like Thuderbird One – the vicar ruined it, he wouldn’t dress up as Mr Tracey.
I worked in Tywyn in Snowdonia as a climbing instructor for a while. I would take to the streets at night in a Banksy-esque way (although this predates Banksy by some years) and create Andy Goldsworthy style sculptures on people’s window sills and car bonnets. And people just knew it was me. Okay Goldsworthy is coffee-table and Banksy is subversive, but I did at least have my own movement – the Subversive Coffee Table movement; for a week or two some kids around Tywyn were copying me. Because of this, I was once asked by the town vicar if I could think of a way to attract young people to the local church. So I went for a fusion of climbing and creativity and spent two weeks painting the church spire to look like Thuderbird One. The vicar ruined it, he wouldn’t dress up as Mr Tracey. I suggested he dressed as Brains instead, but he was just looking at his church spire and whimpering.
I knew that eventually I would have to make a living out of this creativity, simply because I couldn’t have existed in something like accountancy for more than a few days without doing something creatively spontaneous, but commercially ruinous. And while I have mellowed since and qualified in pushing buttons on computers and trying to break the web, I essentially still do the same thing. I get things noticed. People apparently appreciate what I do. I get awards for it from time to time and people say they wished they could ‘think’ like me.
‘Creative genius’ is a silly phrase. But if such a thing exists, it is the sort of thing that happens half way through whatever you’re doing at the time, rather than at the far end of a prescriptive best practice business process.
10 Aug 10 Stoke City seek Graphic Designer. Take the advice of a senior designer, don’t apply
Stoke want a Graphic Designer. There is a side to me that would drop my senior marketing and design management role and take that job. Or at least there was until I read the ad. Those of us who have trekked for many years along the design career path will all warn against jobs advertised like this. Let me translate:
There will be no bounds to the variety of shit shoveling
Job ad: We require an artworker with design flair who is VERY good at the following:
Translation: Artworker = shit shoveller. Design flair = shit shovel in a pretty way.
Job ad: Producing spot on, accurate work for: press ads, print material, online work and Keynote presentations when needs must.
Translation: There will be no bounds to the variety of shit shoveling you will have to do *NB, the mention of Keynote suggests that this is a job on a Mac, so PC only users probably need not apply.
‘Deadline’ will be everyone else’s favourite word
Job Ad: Working under pressure, getting things sorted pronto.
Translation: ‘Deadline’ will be everyone else’s favourite word, as in ‘We’ve been thinking over the last couple of months about this situation and we’ve decided that a 48 page prospectus is what’s needed – have it ready by Friday – that’s a deadline’. This phrase always means someone has been sitting on something for weeks, not having done anything about it and will then rush out a crap brief and will shout at you to get things done last minute. They will then blame you because it is impossible and is bound to fuck up.
Job Ad: Top communication skills with all members of staff.
Translation: Mind your Ps and Qs around everyone else, no matter who they are.
Job Ad: Supporting the marketing team.
Translation: No decision making in this role – just do what you’re told
Most people’s chairs will be worth more than your design kit
Job Ad: Having an eagle eye for detail.
Translation: Everyone else is shit at spelling, but it’s your fault if you don’t spot their mistakes.
Job Ad: Working with Quark Express 8.0, Adobe CS3 Suite, Keynote, InDesign, Photoshop, Flash.
Translation: The software is years out of date, which means the hardware is even older. Most people’s chairs will be worth more than your design kit. This lack of investment in your position is a reflection of where you sit in the order of things.
Job Ad: Being flexible and nice.
Translation: You know what, sometimes one of the administrators will want you to do something really demeaning, like lick, stick and stuff envelopes. You will do this and smile about it too.
Key skills include:
Job Ad: Extensive knowledge of – Photoshop, Illustrator, Indesign, Flash, Microsoft Office Suite and Dreamweaver.
Translation: You will be competent with the software tools of a Graphic designer and know how to use the other stuff on the computer as well, including advanced multimedia and animation in the form of Flash and also Dreamweaver, the industry standard web design package.
Job Ad: HTML/coding experience, with the ability to create mini sites/custom HTML newsletters and then update content.
Translation: You will also know how to do Web design at a coding level. You clearly don’t have to be a qualified web design, because a qualified web designer costs a lot more in wages. What we are looking for is a fully experienced web designer – spending at least 50% of their time on this, but we only want to pay bottom of the scale graphic design rates. So you will have spent lots of time acquiring these highly sought after skills, which we want to harvest, but we have no intention of rewarding you for that aspect of your work in any equitable way.
Job Ad: The role involves a split between web and print design, so a good knowledge of both is highly important.
Translation: As above, you are actually required to be a web designer and a graphic designer as well but we only pay you for the cheaper skill set.
If it all goes wrong. That’s where you fit in
Key Tasks/Responsibilities:
Job Ad: To work well as part of the Marketing Team, producing artwork for all club departments and some external partners when required.
Translation: Just about anyone, inside the club or in fact outside the club will be able to tell you what to do.
Job Ad: Will work alongside our in-house design agency, providing them with all information and artwork they may need, and to give support where needed and vice-versa.
Translation: They do the creative stuff and have all the power in terms of strategy and direction. The in-house agency guys, however, have none of the responsibility if it all goes wrong. That’s where you fit in.
Job Ad: The successful candidate will need to manage a hectic workload, prioritising as you go and sometimes finding quick but successful solutions for projects that require a very fast turn-around.
Translation: Everyone dumps lots of problems on your desk that they can’t solve and it’s your fault if you can’t solve them either. It doesn’t matter which order you do it all in, someone will always be on hand to tell you to drop everything and give them priority.
Your the indian, everyone else is a chief
Job Ad: Be able to take direction well, whether that is working form a detailed brief, or if you are given a task to do that requires you write your own.
Translation: Just do what you’re told and don’t argue, if someone gives you a duff brief, then it will be your fault for not being psychic and you will be labeled an idiot for not using your initiative..
Job Ad: Open to feedback from colleagues, managers and also from our external agency, and must be able to take this on board to produce something better.
Translation: Your the indian, everyone else is a chief. They will all give you a different reason why they think everything you do is shit. You will have to agree with them to that end. And, while you are the only qualified and experienced designer in the place, you need to get used to the fact that your opinions are not as valid as their own. To put it in a nutshell, they think that are actually better at your job than you are. You will resolve their many conflicting and confusing levels and types of criticism, agreeing with them all, berating yourself for your own shitness and somehow make them all happy in the end.
Qualifications/Experience:
Job Ad:
* Educated to GCSE level
* Higher Education/College/Graphic Design or similar
* Educated to BA(hons) level or similar achieving a 2:1 or higher
* Any marketing experience or education would be advantageous
* Would be preferable to have worked in the industry before in an in-house design role but not essential as all applicants will be considered
* Will need to show quality examples of past and current work (ie portfolio)
Translation: Perfect collection of University education with bags of experience in far better roles.
Job Ad: If you think you can do all of the above please send your CV with salary expectations to DELLA.BIRCHALL@STOKECITYFC.COM.Closing date 20th August 2010
Translation: We’ll pick the one who pitches their salary lowest
this job description spits revenge
This advert says more about the relationship they had with whoever was previously in the job. I imagine they left under a cloud, leaving someone having a truly jaundiced view of designers. And this job description spits revenge. It is written like a spiteful letter to the previous designer.
As a job description, it sucks on so many levels
As a job description, it sucks on so many levels. No decent designer is going to apply based on this ad. They will at best attract someone so poor at what they do, that they will simply perpetuate the vindictive feelings that the management clearly have for people who design for a living.
It does explain why most things produced by Stoke City are so poorly designed. They really should employ a senior designer, based on that designer’s experience and portfolio and then give them a brief to develop a design standard, brief the organisation about that standard and allow them to roll that out across all communications. If they need some junior designers to help, than that is fine, but to employ a junior to do all this is both unfair, unrealistic and will ultimately create poor design and a miserable designer, disillusioned in this role and their chosen career.
07 Feb 10 Personal Branding – Coming up with a personal business card
Recently I found myself wishing I had a personal business card. It is unusual because I have various business personas for the work I do, but with some of the overseas government work I have been involved in, it is easier for them to buy into an individual, no matter where they come from, than an organisation from another country.
I may never get these printed, but the idea has driven me to think it through and there is probably a white paper waiting to happen at a more general level. In any event, if it never gets printed, at least it has a home here.
Once I started thinking about this I came up with the design shown. As with all designs, I don’t like to over-rationalise it – you hope it will speak for itself. But, briefly, being able to pull out the syllable ‘id’ from my first name, David, is handy. The id is the uninhibited and creative part of the brain. I am a creatively driven designer – I place emphsis on the psychology of design and usability in my work. So a psychological term referencing creativity is a bit of a godsend. The notion of a card being a kind of identity of I.D. is not lost on me either. For those that don’t get the rest of it, the card is my ID.
On the counter side, my surname, Yates, provides the opportunity to pick out the word ‘Yes’. The single most positive term in the language. And all that you want to put across: ‘I can do this’; ‘this is possible’; ‘all is good’; ‘Yesss! what a result’.
I like this for other reasons. I read once that John Lennnon first met Yoko Ono at an art exhibition. The central exhibit was a work of hers with a ladder in the centre of the room. At the top of the ladder was a magnifying glass and very small word painted on the ceiling. When you climbed the ladder, and looked at the word through the magnifying glass, it simply said, “Yes”.
I can’t say I like her music much and I don’t know anything about her art, but this resonates with me, as clearly it did with John Lennon.
So in a nutshell this is all about being creatively positive and so am I.
