'I am heavy and I'm not your brother'

Mountain Mayhem Preparation

10 months to go : 17 stone weight : Fit as a hippo : Equipment status = Shite

Took a 8000m (5 miles) ride up over the Malverns last night as part of the monday night ‘training’ for Mountain Mayham 2009. Then another 7000m (4.5 miles) home.

The general idea is that four forty-somethings with middle-age spread, no cycling experience and absolutely no idea what they are getting into will enter a team in Mountain Mayhem in 2009.

Currently, four weeks into this decision, we have been out every Monday night and pushed our bikes up the Malvern hills, then free-wheeled down the other side. At least I have. Everyone else is a lot fitter than me (or perhaps less unfit).

Forest of Dean Expedition

However, I reached a watershed this week. I took my six year old son to The Forest of Dean camping and cycling - me on my ‘Jeep Grand Bucket-of-nuts’, my son on a tag-along. We went with a couple of other team members and free=-wheeled all the way down to the river EWye and alomng to Symonds Yat. But then came the massive ascent back again. My team mates were sprightly and full of well meant platitudes - “Keep it up” they advised. “You’re doing really well” they lied.

But it was my son who proved to be the greater motivator. I was shocked at the level of his disappointment in me. While all the other Dad’s cycled up the hills, I got off after a few agonising yards of heavy pedaling. Then falling off the bike, I huffed and puffed and pushed the bike and him on his tag along up tracks and roads for miles back to the Christchurch camp site. “All the other Dad’s can do it” he said as I approach cardiac arrest. “Go on Dad, you can do it …go faster …win …go on”.

Silence…

“You’re not a very good Dad are you?”

Something has to be done. I needed a new attitude and it started on Monday.

The Malvern Hills:

For those that know the area, we took off from the Quarry Car Park (south side Castlemorton Common). Long pull up onto the Malvern ridge, ascent of about 130m over 900m (or approx. 15%). Along the ridge and then a steep drop onto a fast descending muddy track for a mile or two. Took a long trail coming out on the Herefordshire side and then across fields and tracks back to the car. Hard work, no getting off and walking (new resolution to not give up). Really good ride. Lots of surprised comments from my comrades. “you’re up for it tonight” they said as I wasn’t the last person on the the top. I was last person abck to the car - long haul up a gradual incline did me in, but I gave myself penance and made myself ride four or five miles home instead of putting My bike on a car rack and getting a lift.

I heard something go on my bike. I say bike, it is a toy look-a-like, all branded up as Jeep Grand Cherokee Sport. It actually weighs about as much as a Jeep 4WD but does not really perform off-road with the same aplomb. I think it is probably a robust bicycle for going along gentle paths in the park, but it is getting shaken to bits on more extreme terrain.

It has twisty handles gears which jump all over the place and, I am told are the sign of a really cheap bike - I do not have much difficulty believing that! In fairness, it does have a really low gear for steep ascents (I do need that at my level of fitness) and the suspension seems to be on the okay side of squashy. But it’s all round performance does not really make it a serious mountain bike. Too heavy, crappy gears that won’t stay in place. The gearing is very low, you reach top speed quickly with nowhere to go and it has a lot of gizmos on it which make it seem fully specified but are really lipstick on a pig.

Took a closer look and I think one of the forks has probably gone. I need to start looking on eBay before it really does give way.

Following the brave exploits of four mates, who in June this year entered Mountain Mayhem, myself and three friends have decided we need to do the same next year.

Mountain Mayhem is a very hard-core mountain biking event. It is a nine mile course, up hill and down dale all over the Malvern Hills. The trick is to do as many laps as a relay team of four in the time. The last lap must be started within the 24 hour time limit, but can be finished outside of he limit. The winners were as follows:

Hanley heroes were marked down as being 205th out of the 246 in the Sport Men Category - not bad since one of their number had to retire before starting with a lacerated leg and anoth ha dto have medical treatment for a severe cut o the hand while changing a tyre.

Hanley Heroes

The event is grueling to say the least. This year it attracted more than a few  world champions as well as the usual bunch of extreme ironing teams and mountain unicyclists!

Anyway, since this is our ‘hood’ we thought we really ought to have a crack next year before they take the event somewhere else. So with ten months to go we set out on Monday evening to do a bit of training …oh dear! I am unfit. I am over-weight, the bike I have is apparently one big welding mistake with a couple of wheels. It hurts – a lot. I know there is ten months to go, but even so, this is not looking good.

Progress reports to follow.

Following the most impressive WordCamp UK conference in Birmingham - a review will follow at some point - I am persuaded to start a blog. To date I have resisted this, being busy and not at all convinced that my ramblings will be of any interest to anyone. However, I am already convinced that WordPress is the new way of doing the web for me and my customers, I am persuaded that this is now absolutely necessary for me to explore the entire potential of the medium - so here is the blog. It is an exercise in learning through spouting off. And I can sound off on most things. (more…)