Dave Yates » Thursday Philosophy

How to beat the credit crunch

Dave Yates — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:17:22 +0000

“Young Roger moved to Hanley Swan and during a few drinks down at The Swan one Thursday night ended up handing over £100 to a local farmer for a donkey. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer phoned and said, ‘Sorry Rog, but I have some bad news, the donkey’s dead, it got hit by a convoy of Audis driving through the village.’

Rog replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I spanked it all acquiring a leisure boat business in Upton Marina.’

Roger said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘Where are you going to keep it?’

Roger said ‘I know a bloke with a camper van, I’ll stick it in there’

The farmer asked, ‘But it can’t stay there forever. What are you going to do with him?’

Roger said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘Raffle off a dead donkey?!’

Roger said, ‘Yeah. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Roger and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

Roger said, ‘I went down to the school and got the teacher to get all the kids to sell raffle tickets to win their own donkey. I sold 500 tickets at two quid a piece and made £997.’

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Roger said, ‘Just the guy who won, some bloke who works at Waitrose. I just gave him his two quid back and an extra quid to keep him happy.’ “

Mini Brain-Dumps from 2008-10-23

Dave Yates — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 22:59:59 +0000

Thursday night wisdom: HorseHasBolted.com: the boys are holding me and Mike back. We’ve fired them and have renewed confidence that we can whip this dead horse into shape and look forward to being able to cover the cost of our rounds at the pub through ‘HHB’ #
RT claims to be a Liverpudlian. The only Scouser from Solihull in history #
Phone rates, 0870, 0871 etc fascinating stuff. Apparently some think it is not as interesting watching wood warp #
Jon Senior still missing 4 months after Mountain Mayhem June 2008. New national record for the slowest ever lap at Mountain Mayhem #
And now we’re talking about recession. The men folk of Hanley Swan really do need to get out more often. RL says that Sky shows men at pub talk about Ferraris, women and sport. Hanley Swan bucks the trend. #
Gordon Brown partially blind apparently means that Mrs AB believes she stands a chance according to Mr MB #
Deadringers: RT for Jordan - as in Peter Andre rather than Damon Hill !! MB for Stallone it’s the eyes apparently - particularly when its dark and no one’s looking. NC for Penfold (as in Danger Mouse) or Danny Baker. LMAO #
SW: Sophie (daughter) only goes to piano lessons because the teacher has a cat. She tried horse riding, but the horse apparently didn’t entertain her sufficiently without intervention. #
Kitchen designer went to quote for work at retirement home - never came back. RL proffered that it was the smell of piss that drove him away.
AD, suggesting a good motto for a Retirement Home would be “Piss Pays” #

Thursday night ramblings

Dave Yates — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 09:17:11 +0000

Sex in public in Dubai = 3 months. Friend Richard Turner claims that he committed the same misdemenor in the UK and it resulted in nearly 20 yrs of ‘imprisonment’ to his dearly beloved jailer Tracey

The Horse-Has-Bolted web store continues to attract ideas for new products ahead of its grand launch, due some time soon, not sure when - but definitely on a Thursday. An Icesave customer account book is the latest star product currently under review by HHB’s team of highly corruptable purchasing professionals.

Thursday Philosophy

Dave Yates — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:14:53 +0000

Having been completely busted by my friend Richard Turner over the blog entry to do with my wife, I have decided to make a space to report on Thursday evening pub philosophy.

Keep a eye on mini brain dumps - I will probably report in from the iPhone which end up as mini brain dumps.