05 Sep 11 Footbollocks!

Throw that shit away, it’s got to look good with a pair of jeans in a bar in Torremolinos

I ran a design seminar on functional design at the University of Gloucester the other day. I first did this sort of thing when I was doing my MA in Design some years ago and when I get the opportunity I always take it.

So following the England v Bulgaria match, one of the undergraduates asked me what about the design considerations of the new England football kit.

Well it’s a joke really, isn’t it? A bit of a ‘lust child’ begotten when design is raped by marketing. So I got into a rant about it. Fortunately, these days, no one takes seminar notes, they just record them on their iPhones. So deniability goes right out of the window, but the student was good enough to send me a transcript of my rant…

Generally speaking when making sports apparel, the designer starts by thinking about how to make the team stand out. Players need to see each other across a green pitch with a muddy and multi-coloured crowd as a back-drop. The design process will then go on to consider things like: will the cut allow good movement without providing too much material for the opposition to grab hold of; how will the shape and drape allow air to flow through the garment; How will the fabric aid breathability; will it wick and disperse moisture and keep the wearer cool and dry; etc.

Then the marketing guy will stick his head round the door and in fluent bollocks, say “Throw that shit away, it’s got to look good with a pair of jeans in a bar in Torremolinos”.

Well you might as well give them the truth. If he’s going to be a designer, he’s going to find his ideas prostituted in a marketing brothel fairly frequently.