29 Oct 08 Guaranteed cure for Man-Flu

Ironically, only women are able to make a genuine diagnosis of man-flu. It is ironic because women cannot get man-flu but only they can spot it.They also have no idea how bad it is and that it is potentially life-threatening, always incapacitating and very painful, which is probably why they find it hard to show much sympathy for the man-flu sufferer.

This lack of clear understanding makes it important, once the diagnosis has been made, to take it upon yourself to do something about it.

Do not hesitate, act quickly and take your condition very seriously. Above all, you must believe your wife’s diagnosis and take her exactly at her word.

Go to your bed immediately.
Do not go to work, stay in bed doing nothing more strenuous than reading or watching TV.
You are, at this stage, in peril of letting your health deteriorate to dangerous levels. Now, more than ever, all that stuff at your wedding about “…in sickness and in health” actually amounts to a binding contract. Remind your wife of this, and you should take the opportunity to outline some of her specific contractual responsibilities:
- You should not, under any circumstances, undertake any domestic or child-care duties, your wife can do those for you.
- Under no conditions can you prepare food or refreshments for yourself, your wife must do that for you.
- Your wife will need to plump your pillows each hour to stop further discomfort.
- You must not get cold so your wife will need to serve hot whiskey toddies regularly to your bedside.
- She should leave the bottle with you because keeping up your liquid intake is important.
- It is absolutely vital to boost your morale at this difficult time. It is therefore fortunate that blow jobs are not further detrimental to the health of the man-flu sufferer. Impress upon your wife how essential this is, she will need to understand that you require several of these a day.