10 Aug 10 Stoke City seek Graphic Designer. Take the advice of a senior designer, don’t apply
Stoke want a Graphic Designer. There is a side to me that would drop my senior marketing and design management role and take that job. Or at least there was until I read the ad. Those of us who have trekked for many years along the design career path will all warn against jobs advertised like this. Let me translate:
There will be no bounds to the variety of shit shoveling
Job ad: We require an artworker with design flair who is VERY good at the following:
Translation: Artworker = shit shoveller. Design flair = shit shovel in a pretty way.
Job ad: Producing spot on, accurate work for: press ads, print material, online work and Keynote presentations when needs must.
Translation: There will be no bounds to the variety of shit shoveling you will have to do *NB, the mention of Keynote suggests that this is a job on a Mac, so PC only users probably need not apply.
‘Deadline’ will be everyone else’s favourite word
Job Ad: Working under pressure, getting things sorted pronto.
Translation: ‘Deadline’ will be everyone else’s favourite word, as in ‘We’ve been thinking over the last couple of months about this situation and we’ve decided that a 48 page prospectus is what’s needed – have it ready by Friday – that’s a deadline’. This phrase always means someone has been sitting on something for weeks, not having done anything about it and will then rush out a crap brief and will shout at you to get things done last minute. They will then blame you because it is impossible and is bound to fuck up.
Job Ad: Top communication skills with all members of staff.
Translation: Mind your Ps and Qs around everyone else, no matter who they are.
Job Ad: Supporting the marketing team.
Translation: No decision making in this role – just do what you’re told
Most people’s chairs will be worth more than your design kit
Job Ad: Having an eagle eye for detail.
Translation: Everyone else is shit at spelling, but it’s your fault if you don’t spot their mistakes.
Job Ad: Working with Quark Express 8.0, Adobe CS3 Suite, Keynote, InDesign, Photoshop, Flash.
Translation: The software is years out of date, which means the hardware is even older. Most people’s chairs will be worth more than your design kit. This lack of investment in your position is a reflection of where you sit in the order of things.
Job Ad: Being flexible and nice.
Translation: You know what, sometimes one of the administrators will want you to do something really demeaning, like lick, stick and stuff envelopes. You will do this and smile about it too.
Key skills include:
Job Ad: Extensive knowledge of – Photoshop, Illustrator, Indesign, Flash, Microsoft Office Suite and Dreamweaver.
Translation: You will be competent with the software tools of a Graphic designer and know how to use the other stuff on the computer as well, including advanced multimedia and animation in the form of Flash and also Dreamweaver, the industry standard web design package.
Job Ad: HTML/coding experience, with the ability to create mini sites/custom HTML newsletters and then update content.
Translation: You will also know how to do Web design at a coding level. You clearly don’t have to be a qualified web design, because a qualified web designer costs a lot more in wages. What we are looking for is a fully experienced web designer – spending at least 50% of their time on this, but we only want to pay bottom of the scale graphic design rates. So you will have spent lots of time acquiring these highly sought after skills, which we want to harvest, but we have no intention of rewarding you for that aspect of your work in any equitable way.
Job Ad: The role involves a split between web and print design, so a good knowledge of both is highly important.
Translation: As above, you are actually required to be a web designer and a graphic designer as well but we only pay you for the cheaper skill set.
If it all goes wrong. That’s where you fit in
Key Tasks/Responsibilities:
Job Ad: To work well as part of the Marketing Team, producing artwork for all club departments and some external partners when required.
Translation: Just about anyone, inside the club or in fact outside the club will be able to tell you what to do.
Job Ad: Will work alongside our in-house design agency, providing them with all information and artwork they may need, and to give support where needed and vice-versa.
Translation: They do the creative stuff and have all the power in terms of strategy and direction. The in-house agency guys, however, have none of the responsibility if it all goes wrong. That’s where you fit in.
Job Ad: The successful candidate will need to manage a hectic workload, prioritising as you go and sometimes finding quick but successful solutions for projects that require a very fast turn-around.
Translation: Everyone dumps lots of problems on your desk that they can’t solve and it’s your fault if you can’t solve them either. It doesn’t matter which order you do it all in, someone will always be on hand to tell you to drop everything and give them priority.
Your the indian, everyone else is a chief
Job Ad: Be able to take direction well, whether that is working form a detailed brief, or if you are given a task to do that requires you write your own.
Translation: Just do what you’re told and don’t argue, if someone gives you a duff brief, then it will be your fault for not being psychic and you will be labeled an idiot for not using your initiative..
Job Ad: Open to feedback from colleagues, managers and also from our external agency, and must be able to take this on board to produce something better.
Translation: Your the indian, everyone else is a chief. They will all give you a different reason why they think everything you do is shit. You will have to agree with them to that end. And, while you are the only qualified and experienced designer in the place, you need to get used to the fact that your opinions are not as valid as their own. To put it in a nutshell, they think that are actually better at your job than you are. You will resolve their many conflicting and confusing levels and types of criticism, agreeing with them all, berating yourself for your own shitness and somehow make them all happy in the end.
Qualifications/Experience:
Job Ad:
* Educated to GCSE level
* Higher Education/College/Graphic Design or similar
* Educated to BA(hons) level or similar achieving a 2:1 or higher
* Any marketing experience or education would be advantageous
* Would be preferable to have worked in the industry before in an in-house design role but not essential as all applicants will be considered
* Will need to show quality examples of past and current work (ie portfolio)
Translation: Perfect collection of University education with bags of experience in far better roles.
Job Ad: If you think you can do all of the above please send your CV with salary expectations to DELLA.BIRCHALL@STOKECITYFC.COM.Closing date 20th August 2010
Translation: We’ll pick the one who pitches their salary lowest
this job description spits revenge
This advert says more about the relationship they had with whoever was previously in the job. I imagine they left under a cloud, leaving someone having a truly jaundiced view of designers. And this job description spits revenge. It is written like a spiteful letter to the previous designer.
As a job description, it sucks on so many levels
As a job description, it sucks on so many levels. No decent designer is going to apply based on this ad. They will at best attract someone so poor at what they do, that they will simply perpetuate the vindictive feelings that the management clearly have for people who design for a living.
It does explain why most things produced by Stoke City are so poorly designed. They really should employ a senior designer, based on that designer’s experience and portfolio and then give them a brief to develop a design standard, brief the organisation about that standard and allow them to roll that out across all communications. If they need some junior designers to help, than that is fine, but to employ a junior to do all this is both unfair, unrealistic and will ultimately create poor design and a miserable designer, disillusioned in this role and their chosen career.
